with Coaching Cape Town
Rebuild, Renew, and Strengthen Your Relationship | Compassionate Couples Counselling
Modern-day relationships are complex. Most of our lives are so busy that we can easily forget to pay attention to our partners. Social media, technology, and the lack of proper communication all contribute to relationship collapse. Without proper guidance, overcoming these obstacles may seem impossible.
In South Africa, the reality of marriages is dismal. Statistics show that about 28% (and rising) of all marriages end in divorce. Studies have shown the top reasons for divorce today are:
⚑ Financial stress
⚑ Lack of communication
⚑ Infidelity
⚑ Social media
⚑ Difference in priorities
⚑ Addiction
If you are in a relationship and you find yourself thinking, “How did we get here? Is this my fault? I am so done with this!” you are not alone. Many couples hit a point where things feel overwhelming, confusing, or just plain exhausting.
But there is hope! With the right guidance, most couples can improve and heal their relationships.
Read how Rudolph van Schoor’s expert coaching has empowered individuals to achieve their goals and overcome challenges. Explore their stories and see the transformation for yourself.
Relationships do not break down overnight. Usually, issues build up over time. When couples come to me, it is typically because of one or more of the following problems:
⚑ Toxicity and constant arguing:
The same fights happen over and over again. Both partners feel frustrated, unheard, and stuck in a cycle of negativity.
⚑ Drifting apart:
Life is busy. Work, kids, social obligations—they all pull couples in different directions. Over time, this can lead to emotional distance.
⚑ Infidelity:
Betrayal is incredibly painful, and it can be hard to see how the relationship could ever recover.
At this point, most couples are looking for a way back to harmony, intimacy, communication, and fulfilling relationship—and it is my mission to help them on this journey.
That is where counselling and coaching come in. Counselling helps heal the emotional wounds, while coaching equips couples with practical tools and skills to rebuild their relationship and move forward stronger and healthier.
We cover topics like:
⚑ Self-awareness and alignment of both partners’ values, goals, and vision for the future
⚑ Conflict resolution and communication skills
⚑ Principles of a thriving marriage, including maintaining passion, intimacy, and shared purpose, and supporting the fulfilment and growth of both partners
⚑ Setting boundaries and managing responsibilities
Book a pre-marital counselling session
These sessions are for couples who are struggling with communication, conflict, disconnection, and more severe issues like infidelity or addiction. However, these couples are not ready to give up—they want to work to make things better and transform their relationship. But what does that look like?
Here are the steps I guide them through, using the principles of congruence, competence, and flourishing to move from a place of frustration and disconnection to a relationship that feels strong, supportive, and deeply connected:
⚑ Self-discovery: Each partner needs to understand who they are as individuals, what they value, and what they bring to the relationship in order to show up authentically for each other.
⚑ Identify behavioural patterns and improve skills: Recurring issues like defensiveness, stonewalling, or criticism hinder a healthy relationship. We work towards recognising these patterns and developing strategies to handle conflict, communicate effectively, and meet each other’s needs in a healthy way.
⚑ Learn to negotiate needs: A relationship is a partnership, which means finding a way to meet both partners’ needs in a healthy, balanced way.
⚑ Master conflict resolution: Conflict is normal in any relationship—how you handle it is what matters. I work on the “rules” for healthy conflict—how to argue in a way that leads to resolution and intimacy, not more distance.
⚑ Create a relationship rhythm: Every relationship needs a way of communicating, connecting, dreaming together, setting boundaries, and handling life’s challenges that work for both partners, helping them to flourish in all domains of their relationship.
⚑ Avoid communication traps: Criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness are the four major communication traps I help couples become aware of and avoid in order to connect in a healthier, more constructive way.
Book a couples counselling session
After a few years of being married, you and your partner may find yourself in a bit of a lull. With these enrichment sessions, I can assist you in finding your passion and sense of adventure again.
Areas we might look at:
⚑ Realigning your goals and needs
⚑ Reigniting your sense of connection and affection
⚑ Communication and conflict resolution
⚑ Navigating life’s transitions, such as parenting, having an empty nest, career changes, health crises, etc.
Enrich your marriage, book a session today!
Some couples come to me because they are unsure if their relationship is worth saving. They want to perform an “autopsy” on their marriage—figure out what went wrong, and whether it can be fixed.
In these cases, counselling is about clarity. It’s about taking an honest look at the relationship and asking some tough questions:
⚑ Do we want to stay together?
⚑ Is this relationship still serving us?
⚑ What would be best for our children?
I do not push couples one way or the other. My job is to help them gain the clarity they need to make their own best decision. Sometimes, that means working toward rebuilding the relationship. Other times, it means deciding to part ways, but doing so with respect and understanding.
If you and your partner do decide to split up, I can assist you in dealing with the pain and finding a way to move forward.
Many people see relationship counselling as negative and, therefore, avoid it at all costs. The biggest reason for this could be that people are unsure about what happens during a session, and they fear letting a third party into the most intimate part of their lives.
To put your mind at ease, let’s look at some basics of couples counselling.
⚑ You will need to reflect and take responsibility for your own actions.
During a counselling session, you do most of the work yourself. Your counsellor will guide you to open up, share your thoughts and feelings, and reflect on your current issues. Often, you will also be required to do homework to help you implement in real life what you have learned.
⚑ Yes, you may get asked about your childhood.
This may seem irrelevant, but your counsellor is likely to ask you about your childhood and past relationships, which could help you connect the dots to your current difficulties.
⚑ Your counsellor does not decide the fate of the relationship; you do.
Contrary to widespread belief, I will never tell you what to what to do with your relationship. I will guide you in realising what you want and need and will then assist you in making important decisions.
⚑ The goal is not necessarily to save the relationship.
Saving a relationship might not be the outcome of counselling. Your counsellor can also help you cope with the grieving process that comes with the end of a relationship and support you in planning your way forward.
⚑ Most importantly, you get out of it what you put in.
When partaking in counselling sessions, you and your partner can only expect to benefit from them if you work hard, truly reflect, and listen to the suggestions. Therefore, depending on what you put in, these sessions may lead to great improvement in your relationship.
If you are interested in making an appointment for you and your partner for professional relationship counselling in Durbanville in a safe and welcoming space, you are welcome to get in touch
